"Shadow on the Sun"

Not the Sun

~ Please don't be technology
So I can turn off your love
Like some cold machine
Not the Sun - Brand New ~

The tablet was in Heero's hand as he sat in the middle of the pile of boxes. DORIS had asked him what he was doing some time ago and he'd answered.

"Inventory," Heero had said in a clipped tone.

It was inventory but there was a reason for his actions, for him to be sat on the floor in the tiny kitchen space and trying to work out what quantities he had. He was doing calculations in his head quickly, his face in a serious line as he tapped amounts into the touch screen, working out what supplies the Solar had left.

Due to the remote location of the Solar and sometimes it's inaccessibility - there were plentiful supplies aboard the ship. And while there was a regular supply dump every three months, this was for "new" things to try and restocking. It gave the current research scientist a break from the monotony. There was only so many bad meals with lumpy grainy mashed potatoes that a guy could eat. So it would be replaced with rice or pasta. Something equally as boring after a few weeks.

So even though Heero was due a supply run in three weeks' time, he still was able to figure out his supplies, work out some rations and figure out how long he could survive aboard the ship once...

He growled low in his throat, gripping the tablet a little harder than he needed and almost damaging the outer casing as Duo had been absent for a few days as the solar activity had diminished and he knew that a relief crew were being sent and he knew he had little time to do what he needed to do. But this was a brief distraction, this was something he could do before he needed to. And it was a normal regular job. Heero needed to know his supplies, needed to know what the Solar contained and he hadn't done inventory for some time. Not since Duo had reappeared.

"What'cha doing?"

Heero glanced up to see Duo stood in the 'd propped open the automatic door with a box of bottled water and Heero felt his heart beat quicker as he'd missed Duo in the last few days. But then he also swallowed as that meant...

"He-Ro - intense activity. Please report to the Control Room."

"I was doing inventory," he said, pushing himself up with the finesse of his well-honed body, "but now, no."

He brushed past Duo, stopping for a moment to reach and touch his cheek, his face, move a stray bit of hair from his eyes.

"I missed you," he said and the words felt heavy on his tongue.

Duo leaned into the touch. "Yeah, but I always come back, right?"

The smile, that smirk, made Heero brush their lips together even as the main lighting dropped out, darkness now taking over the Solar until the backup auxiliary power came online a few moments later.

Heero gave a little nod in Duo's direction who just waved. "Yeah, I know. Work."

Yet as he walked to the control room, he felt a prickling of the hairs at the back of his neck and a sensation of suspicion. It was confirmed when he entered the control room to see no major solar activity, nothing to have brought on the auxiliary or back-ups and he turned back towards the door as it slid across, meeting Duo's eye briefly before it locked, ominously, loudly and Heero realised that the stupid AI had tricked him.

"He-Ro," it said, DORIS' voice louder than usual and Heero glared up at the control panel. As he had tinkered with DORIS to his own specifications and it sounded like it had been undone. And only one person could do that. "Dr. Hoffman ordered me."

His glare, ineffective was levelled at the screen where Dr. Hoffman's face appeared, his beard and glasses, his hands holding up his head.

"Heero," he said with his commanding voice and though he was tempted to turn, reroute the door wiring and cutting off DORIS and Hoffman's intervention, he only clenched his fists and walked over to the command chair, each step dragging.

"You are being relieved. There is a crew on their way. Your friends asked to pilot."

Heero heard the tone, the tone of a man who had stood at the front of lecture halls, in front of his peers at conferences and had the world listen to him. He reminded him vaguely for a moment of a politician, a political leader, some general and the shadow of Treize Khushrenada surfaced in Heero's mind before he banished it. He'd taken enough orders in his life - from Odin, from Dr. J and from Une and he wasn't doing it now.

"Who?" Heero gritted out.

"Quatre Winner and Trowa Barton."

He nodded in response. Figured. Wufei had the Preventers still - he was still necessary for peace whereas Quatre and Trowa could just leave and he saw Hoffman sigh.

"You are being relieved for your own good, Heero. DORIS has reported your behaviour... and Mr. Winner confirmed that to me after your last call."

"I- " he began but Hoffman stopped him.

"You've been seeing Duo, correct?"

There was no point in lying as the doctors harsh eyes glared and he saw Heero shift in his seat. "Yes."

"I think you are fully aware that he's dead, Heero."

His fingers reached up for the cross around his neck, holding it tightly and feeling the imprint of the jewellery in his palm. There was one character trait he'd been accused of many times, his stubbornness and tenacity and he was not going to back down. Duo had told him that, smiling at him, pushing at his hair. "Too damn stubborn, 'Ro," he'd whisper. Even now. Now when he wasn't going to let him go without a fight.

"It correlates," Heero said, drawing out his words carefully, "the moments of Duo's appearance with intense solar activity. I can provide you the data."

Hoffman didn't look angry, instead, he seemed to lean further forward, his eyes were gentler now and sympathetic. "I'm sure you have the data, you are an excellent scientist, Heero but that doesn't alter the fact, Duo Maxwell died and you have been alone on the Solar for a long time. This has happened before, you remember Rodriguez?"

"Yes," he answered sharply, anger bubbling under the surface as he saw that sympathy. He was being treated like he always had since Duo died - like he was vulnerable, a ticking time-bomb that may explode and Heero hated that, hated it so damn much as he didn't want people to look at him like that. "But he didn't feel her."

"Heero...?" Hoffman questioned, his voice trailing off and Heero shook his head.

"Never mind."

He didn't need to tell Hoffman that he wasn't just seeing Duo. That he was "feeling" him and not just feeling him in a vague sense. That he was feeling him in full 3-D. Touching his cool skin, mouthing his throat, kissing him like he damn well dreamed of for so long. Hoffman didn't need to know their nights in sheets, the fact Duo was beside him most times and he looked up from the screen to see the activity was not very violent and he scowled as Duo had been here, today.

He'd stood against the doorway, watched him do some inventory and smirked at the great Heero Yuy being reduced to menial work but then if there was no violent activity and this had been a ruse... Heero shouldn't have seen Duo. A sickness surfaced in his gut as he figured what Hoffman knew, the logical side of Heero's brain knew - that Duo was dead and buried in the ground in Sanc and this was not real.

But as he clasped at the cross, as he wore that faded vintage t-shirt, he didn't care. As he would be relieved by Quatre and Trowa, taken back to earth to the apartment that he and Duo shared and he would be expected to move on or maybe grieve more publically to make them all feel better but whatever, he would back on earth and without Duo.

"How long until they arrive?"

Heero was looking down at his knee, avoiding Hoffman's gaze, and he glanced up through his heavy bangs as the man sighed.

"You have the day. Please do your final data checks and reports. I have Schwartz relieving you. Please put together any information he may require into the logs."

The orders made sense and Heero nodded as he could understand those orders. Even though he wouldn't be following them. Or he would be doing the final data checks, the final reports but not because Schwartz was relieving him. Because of what he would do.

"May I ask how long you've been seeing him?" Hoffman asked quietly. "Obviously we'll do a full psyche eval once you get back to earth..."

Heero blinked and remembered now it was two months, two months since the first sighting and in that time Duo had become more real, more his and he wouldn't give that up.

"Two months."

Hoffman made a small noise but his face didn't show any hint of surprise in his face. If he had been shocked when he spoke his voice was level, his tone monotonous, he supposed Heero had always liked Hoffman as he seemed alike Heero in many ways - analytical, logical, serious and that was something he could understand.

"Do what you need to do, Heero, DORIS will assist you. I will see you in a few days."

With that, the connection cut off - maybe Hoffman knowing that he needed a moment to process as he sat in the control room staring at the sun through the glass panel, swallowing thickly at the thoughts of what he was going to do. As he should say goodbye but first, he needed to set it all up.

"He-Ro - do you require my assistance?"

"No," he answered, getting up from the command chair. "I'll do this alone."

He would as he worried that if DORIS knew his intentions then perhaps there would be something the stupid ass AI could do to stop him. Lock him in a room until Quatre and Trowa could arrive and he did not want that. So instead, he took a deep breath.

"I'm going to do a check on the airlock prior to docking."

It was a normal procedure and DORIS didn't question it as he stood, leaving the control room, running his fingers over the panels as he did. The door opened now, DORIS no longer intervening and he walked to see Duo wasn't around right now, a part of him glad as he didn't want Duo, didn't want him telling him that it was a good thing to be relieved. A good thing for him to be going to earth, to spend time with other's and Relena and see the stupid grave. And he didn't need to hear that.

He walked with purpose, mission-minded and he walked towards his room, the small metal box that had been his home for so long and would now be forever. It was stupid, maybe, stupid that he'd stored them away from the AI's prying eyes, that he'd created them out of wiring and circuits long prior to this and he was dragging out a small metal case from under the bed, opening and lifting the lid. He'd given up weapons or so he had tried but he couldn't quite.

Heero smirked and closed the case, walking back out of the small room with intent.

"He-Ro," DORIS said, his name as she had always done, "He-Ro - what is in the case?"

He continued his walk, walking towards the air-lock and he knew that the AI would want to try and block his route but there was a manual over-ride on the airlock just in case it was compromised and the AI had been disabled. As he arrived outside the heavy door, there were two spacesuits and Heero dropped the case for a moment, grabbing one and putting it on, sliding it over his shorts and t-shirt.

"He-Ro, I will contact Dr. Hoffman again. I will call the Elysium."

The words were staccato and if Heero didn't know better, he would assume the AI was starting to panic as DORIS appeared somewhat aware of his actions. He secured a helmet over his head and spoke, his voice calm and cold.

"You can tell them, DORIS. There's no one here to stop me."

And Heero used that to his advantage, pulling the lever and opening it, walking into the zero gravity and closing the door quickly behind him, the case in his hand. He couldn't hear DORIS anymore, couldn't hear anything but his breathing and the beating of his heart and it was a dull thud in his chest as he felt the bliss of weightlessness.

There would be many things he'd miss but he was not spending forever mourning Duo. Not on earth. Not again. Here... Duo was here and Heero acted, opening the case, the explosives, the remote system and he rigged them up near the outer door. There was a glass panel, so damn thick that showed nothing but space, black and reassuring and weightless but he didn't take much time appreciating it. He had forever for that. The rest of his limited life aboard the Solar.

He had calculated, figured everything out that he needed and Heero stuck the explosives to the heavy metal hull. He knew it would do enough, irreparably damage the air lock without compromising the hull of the Solar. And what they would mean is that Heero would be trapped forever aboard the ship.

With Duo.

His task was no different than the war, old habits dying hard and though he'd not set explosives or used his hands for violence since Boston - since killing those men who'd deserved to be shot in the head, their necks snapped and then burning the building to the ground - Heero knew what to do. He accomplished his task with sureness that had made him invincible.

It done, he took one deep breath looking out of the small panel into the blankness of space, his hand against the glass and he closed his eyes.

"The only way to live a good life is to act on your emotions," he murmured.

Odin had said those words to him. And he'd said those words to Trowa and while logical, stone cold facts told him Duo was dead, his heart, bruised and broken, told him he believed that Duo was aboard the Solar. That the activity facilitated it. His emotions told him that Duo was alive and the man he loved and so with that, he opened his eyes again, pushed himself off the outer door and to the inner one, opening it with the manual handle and pulling his body back inside the Solar. He'd dropped the case, left only the small transmitter in his fingertips as he closed the door, removed his helmet and shook out his hair.

"Heero! Talk to us!"

Heero heard that voice, the keening, pleading voice of Quatre and he realised DORIS was putting the call through and the AI had told Quatre his intentions.

"I have to," he answered as he held his thumb just over the button.

"No! You don't have to! Duo is dead! Just because you're seeing him doesn't mean he's real! We buried him! Heero... listen to me."

"Quatre," he said softly, "I am going to explode the airlock. You will never be able to reach me. I want this."

"Heero!" Quatre pleaded, his voice raw and rough and he remembered another time Quatre pleaded with him and his thumb was poised against the detonation button. "Come back to us..."

"Heero... please," Trowa added, his voice just as emotional.

"Trowa... I told you to live by your emotions, right?"

There was a small grunted noise in confirmation and Heero looked up to the metallic ceiling. "I'm living by mine... I don't know if Duo's here but I don't want to live in a world where he isn't alive. I'd prefer to have gone insane and have him than not have him at all."

Heero paused and pressed the button, the low rumble of the explosives barely heard through the thick heavy door of the airlock. The outer door hadn't exploded but it was so badly compromised that no secure connection between a relief ship could be made. As Heero intended.

"It's done," he said, dropping the detonator to the floor and falling himself to it, feeling then Duo's arms catch him, exhausted, done.

He heard a muffled sound from Quatre's lips, maybe a sob and there was silence as he looked up to realise Duo was holding him in his lap. Heero smiled. Genuinely. Openly. As he smoothed back his hair.

"I love him," Heero said simply, his eyes looking into Duo's. "I couldn't lose him again."

"Heero," Quatre repeated but it was quiet, pathetic and useless now.

"I'm going to disable the AI and comms. Tell Hoffman I'm sorry. Tell Wufei I will miss our arguments and tell Relena... tell her something good. Tell her I said it."

He pushed himself up then, assisted by Duo and he walked to the control room, hearing Quatre try to plead with him once more. Not to disable the comms. Not too cut himself off forever but Heero didn't listen, the control room door jammed until Heero found the manual override underneath a floor panel, DORIS trying to rebel one more time. Maybe she knew it was done.

"Please..."

Heero now saw Quatre's face, ashen and stricken, Trowa beside him leaning over and he thought of all they had been through together but that was it - Quatre and Trowa had each other and Heero had nothing but the Solar and whatever remained of Duo.

"Thank you," he said, "for everything."

"Heero!"

His name was the last thing he heard as he disabled the comms, inserting a small flash drive, activating it by typing a few simple lines of code that created a virus wiping it out, creating a power surge that fried the circuits and then Heero sat back in his command chair, feeling Duo's hand on his neck, teasing the strands of hair at the nape of his neck.

"He-Ro... you can't disable me. I am necessary."

He smirked, looking up then and he stood, reaching to touch the metal with his fingertips. "You're not anymore."

With that, he sat back at the console and inputted the last part of the virus he had created and DORIS had one more word, "He-Ro" as the system died, the AI that had kept him company stuttering and failing. He took a deep breath, leant back in the chair and Duo then wrapped his arms around him from behind, kissing at his shoulder.

"You know, you should've been relieved. You should've gone back to earth."

Heero turned in the chair so they were face to face and he reached up, grabbing for Duo's face, dragging him down for a kiss, the chaste touch of lips promising all the years they'd have aboard the Solar together. Just them.

"I wasn't going to lose you again."

Duo chuckled, climbing then into Heero's lap and he traced patterns on Heero's chest through the material of his spacesuit. "Stubborn, Heero Yuy. You've never done what's best for you."

"No," Heero said with a smirk, tracing his fingers up Duo's sides, feeling his cold firm skin underneath his fingertips. "You're what's best for me."

"I never did win with you."

Heero didn't answer, only kissed Duo again, threading his fingers through Duo's braid and losing himself in his cold lips. He was now stuck aboard the Solar for the rest of his life but a life with Duo, however short, was worth a long one without him on earth.

Chapter 7

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